It doesn't really have a name, I guess. And even though I began my Lenten practice yesterday, I am just now writing about it.
I was raised decidedly NOT Catholic, but have found comfort in 40 days of preparation for Easter.
In different years I have given up different things: chocolate, caffeine, eating out, etc. But this year, I am opting to add something to my daily routine. I am writing a letter every day to someone who is important to me in some way & telling them so. Writing letters is something I enjoy anyway & I'm excited to see where this practice takes me. Already (two days in) it has required a lot. It is not easy for me to tell people how I feel about them.
May Lent bring me closer to the people in my life who dare to love me...
9.2.10
Tears flowed freely today down my cheeks - an unfamiliar feeling for me. A friend had sent a text an hour or so earlier, urging me to check the description of today's Oprah; "I'm not sure," she said, "if it will be helpful to you or not."
The topic was child molestation. An hour without a live audience - just Oprah interviewing four admitted child molesters. I'm not a big fan of the show, but for this - I watched.
I watched & I cried & I hurt. I hurt for all the children these four men touched. I hurt for the innocence taken & the lives shattered. And for once in my life, I also hurt for me. I knew my therapist would be proud. Well, as proud as you can be of someone whose greatest achievement in therapy is sitting cross-legged on the sofa on a snow day crying over an afternoon talk show.
The topic was child molestation. An hour without a live audience - just Oprah interviewing four admitted child molesters. I'm not a big fan of the show, but for this - I watched.
I watched & I cried & I hurt. I hurt for all the children these four men touched. I hurt for the innocence taken & the lives shattered. And for once in my life, I also hurt for me. I knew my therapist would be proud. Well, as proud as you can be of someone whose greatest achievement in therapy is sitting cross-legged on the sofa on a snow day crying over an afternoon talk show.
3.2.10
here's the thing...
Life is completely unfair.
So many people struggle daily with health, finances, relationships, memory... They never get a break. Life delivers them one blow after another. Supposedly it's "never more than [they] can handle", but sometimes I wonder how realistic that gauge is. How long can someone dangle at the end of their rope before they either let go or feel a moment's reprieve? How long can I stand by & watch as a friend struggles to hold on? Her situation is hopeless & I don't know how to help.
All I know to do is email her every day & tell her that I care. To pray for her well-being & comfort... I hope that's enough.
So many people struggle daily with health, finances, relationships, memory... They never get a break. Life delivers them one blow after another. Supposedly it's "never more than [they] can handle", but sometimes I wonder how realistic that gauge is. How long can someone dangle at the end of their rope before they either let go or feel a moment's reprieve? How long can I stand by & watch as a friend struggles to hold on? Her situation is hopeless & I don't know how to help.
All I know to do is email her every day & tell her that I care. To pray for her well-being & comfort... I hope that's enough.
1.2.10
outside
Yesterday I never left my house. Or even my pajamas. But today - I ventured outside. I stood in the cold air on the porch & tried to decide if I could shovel the walk & brush the snow off the car without putting on long underwear.
On my drive across town, I held tight to the steering wheel, afraid of losing control of the car. Of myself. By the time I got home, school had been canceled & I returned to the warmth & safety of my pajamas. Out of the cold darkness of winter.
On my drive across town, I held tight to the steering wheel, afraid of losing control of the car. Of myself. By the time I got home, school had been canceled & I returned to the warmth & safety of my pajamas. Out of the cold darkness of winter.
29.1.10
grief
Tonight I am grieving the loss of a tiny baby & a lovely woman. The dear, sweet baby - born at 29 weeks - died four months after her entry into the world. The dear, sweet woman lies in a hospital bed, disconnected from the machines that have kept her alive these past few days.
Tonight I grieve the loss of a life never lived & the loss of a life lived to the fullest.
And this time, unlike other moments of grief, I cannot find the joy in the world around me. I cannot see the light in these days of darkness.
Tonight I grieve the loss of a life never lived & the loss of a life lived to the fullest.
And this time, unlike other moments of grief, I cannot find the joy in the world around me. I cannot see the light in these days of darkness.
21.1.10
broken
I am consumed this week by the images & reports from quake-ravaged Haiti. But my heart is also heavy with the knowledge that as the eyes of the world are on Hispanola, devastation takes place in other regions, too. Afghanistan, Palestine, Darfur... We dare not forget the needs of the rest of the world.
15.1.10
haiti
I'm weeping tonight for the nation of Haiti. For those who will die waiting for water. For those who grieve in the streets. For those who have lost everything. For those who will soon lose hope.
Give, if you can, to relief efforts: https://donate.mcc.org/project/haiti-earthquake
Give, if you can, to relief efforts: https://donate.mcc.org/project/haiti-earthquake
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
